Financial Freedom: The upside to single motherhood

There is one thing that ends marriages more than any other issue. It’s a five-letter word, and you may be shocked to hear is not “c-h-e-a-t.” No, instead it is “money.”

Statistics show that, for every ten divorces, four are typically about money. That’s a whole lot of disagreement about finances. But it is also not extremely alarming to me. Perhaps it is having been divorced twice myself, or perhaps I’m just a jaded journalist, but if I had guessed at that figure before researching it, I’d have estimated higher.

It is incredibly difficult to agree about your finances. As a single mother, I can say that gift of choice, being the only one to decide where my earnings are spent, is rather freeing. Yes, I may be pinching my pennies far more than spending them, but I don’t have to approve my purchases with someone else. I don’t have to save just because someone says I do. I get to decide what is and is not important to me.

I can’t really say if I am “good with money” or not, because that would all depend on what you think “good” means. But personally, I know that money can’t really buy happiness, but it sure as hell can buy vacations, lighter loads for mom, and comfort. And a lot of those things do make me happy.

Typically, I’m a saver. I am rather tight with our grocery budget. I don’t allow the kids to go out too often. (I think they’d eat fast food daily if I let them.) I always make sure I can make my budget and, barring massive disasters that rock that out of typical parameters, I am consistently staying on top of monthly bills.

I am also not afraid to downsize, adjust, or pivot as needed. Sometimes, what you planned doesn’t fall into place, and you must make a Plan B. Typically, I have a Plan C, D, E, and F, minimally, to back those up. It is that OCD Planner in me, what can I say?

But, saving where I can, buying generics, and skimping on things (most of all for myself), I do find there are a few non-negotiables for me. For one, as I’ve written about before, vacation is necessary. For me, it is a break, it is downtime. It is no dishes for mom, no meal planning, and no clean-up for at least a week. It is a pause to celebrate life and enjoy your hard work.

And on that vacation, I do not plan to save and skimp. I am going to eat the food I want (sorry, diet), select the comfortable room, splurge for the in-suite tub. Vacation is not the time for tightening the budget.

I will also save up for large purchases. I am not paying for a clunker car (that would require putting tons of money into anyhow), for example, and would prefer to save up to buy something of quality, known for its longevity. I am pretty picky about my mattress and bedding, and I love retreating to my cozy bed, so don’t look for me to cut corners on my bedroom necessities.

I will, albeit once a year, also not skimp on decent sneakers. I’m going to walk, a LOT, in those shoes, and they need to not only hold up, but be comfortable. They are also the footwear I will don 98 percent of the time, so they need to last!

There are also always a few products I’m anti-generic about, such as peanut butter (possibly my favorite food, and must be Jif creamy), Heinz ketchup (maybe it’s my PA roots?), and no one has time for cheap toilet paper.

But I am not now, nor every plan to be, a girl that’s all about the labels when it comes to my closet. If I had to ballpark, 90 percent or more of my wardrobe came from a thrift store. The other 10 percent would only be perhaps souvenir T-shirts or hoodies to commemorate a great trip.

I joke if I attend a “Purse Bingo,” you can bet I’d be gifting or selling any winnings. I have no desire to purchase expensive clothes or shoes or purses, or well seldom something exclusively for myself. Don’t waste money buying me anything high-end, fancy, or name brand. It isn’t necessary, and I don’t need it.

I don’t wear “real” jewelry, and don’t ever want to, either. If it cost more than something you’d buy at Goodwill or Claire’s, it is probably too expensive for me to even consider. If I dress up (rarely), I do have cute costume pieces, largely from aforementioned thrift stores, rummage sales, or hand-me-downs. I doubt the entire “collection” is worth $100. It is another space I personally find it silly to waste funds on when it is not necessary.

At the end of the day, we all have these absolute-must-haves and the if-you-buy-that-you-are-crazy lists. But having to match yours up with a life partner, now that can be tough.

I can honestly say, being a single parent isn’t easy. There is plenty of work for at least two parents on any given day, and shouldering that alone is difficult. But as my favorite band sings quite often, “Every silver lining’s got a touch of grey.” Parenting alone is hard.

But the silver to that grey is that I make my own financial decisions. For better or for worse, I am the end-all be-all decision maker. I am the gate keeper. Only I get to say what absolutely is or absolutely is NOT something I’ll be spending money on, and that feels pretty great.

Do two teens require far more money than I’ll ever make? Of course they do. Will they pick everything from colleges and trips to clothes and games they “cannot live without,” that I cannot afford? Yep. Would they drive me to the Poor House if I let them? Yep. Is living on one salary much harder than two? Duh.

And for the rest of my life, I’ll probably battle some type of Catholic/parental/divorced guilt, and I’ll work my hardest, and buy the finest things, not for myself, but for them, for the two kids who are my world. But that’s my choice. And having that freedom feels pretty good.